Amphibian

Director: Jie Zhang
Release Year: 2023

Amphibian, a 2023 documentary directed by Jie Zhang, paints a poignant picture of the unseen, misunderstood, and often overlooked lives of individuals who exist in the margins of society. It centers around four members of a queer cultural collective associated with the Pharos community, exploring their experiences in a world where their identities are fluid, constantly shifting, and, at times, forced into hiding. These individuals embody what it means to be amphibious: to straddle multiple worlds, to shift between identities and spaces that others may never fully understand or accept. The documentary opens with a reflection on the invisibility that these individuals experience. They are described as lonely, isolated figures in a society that often refuses to acknowledge their existence.

 

The film delves into the struggles and triumphs of the collective, capturing the tension between the desire for authentic self-expression and the societal pressures that demand conformity. The central theme is the absence of a space where these individuals can truly belong, a space where they can express themselves freely without fear of judgment or rejection. For the members of the Pharos collective, their story is one of constant adaptation and survival. The concept of a "community" had long been out of reach for them until they discovered the world of ballroom, a subculture that emerged from the queer communities of the Western world. Ballroom culture, with its performances of extravagant dance, fashion, and voguing, became a lifeline - a space where they could express their identities without the constraints of mainstream society. However, the freedom they experience within the ballroom scene is not without its own challenges. As one participant reflects, "After every ballroom event, when the doors to the street opened, it was a completely different world." The ballroom is a temporary refuge, a sanctuary that offers brief moments of liberation. Yet, when they step out into the larger world, they are reminded of the harsh reality they face - a world that expects them to hide their true selves, to "selectively showcase" their identities in a way that conforms to societal norms.

 

Being "amphibious" is not a choice, but a forced adaptation to a world that demands concealment of one's true nature. It is a reluctant decision to hide or suppress the parts of themselves that society deems unworthy or unacceptable. This dual existence - of presenting one face in the public sphere and another in private - is a survival mechanism, a way to navigate a world that is often hostile to difference. The performances in the underground ballroom scene are depicted as fleeting, transient moments of brilliance, like fireworks that light up the night sky only to vanish without a trace. The excitement and energy of these performances are contrasted with the underlying loneliness and emotional toll they take on the performers. Beneath the glitter and glamour, there is an unspeakable pain, an internal conflict that remains largely invisible to those who are not part of the community. 

 

The documentary takes us deep into the lives of these brave individuals, showing how they use art, performance, and dance to reclaim their power and express their true selves. Through the lens of their struggles and triumphs, the film invites viewers to see the humanity behind the performances - people who, despite facing tremendous adversity, continue to create, to dance, and to live authentically. Their performances, often seen as nothing more than a spectacle, are, in fact, acts of resistance. They are a way of turning the pain and hardship of their lives into something beautiful and transformative. The act of dancing, of creating art out of despair, becomes a powerful statement of defiance - a refusal to be erased or silenced. These individuals, through their resilience and creativity, show that even in the darkest moments, it is possible to find beauty and meaning.

 

Ultimately, Amphibian is a film about the search for belonging, the struggle to find a space where one can be fully and unapologetically themselves. It is about the courage to embrace one's true identity, even when that identity is not understood or accepted by the larger society. The documentary highlights the importance of community, not just as a physical space, but as a shared sense of understanding and solidarity among those who have been marginalized and excluded. In this sense, the amphibians of the film are not just the performers in the ballroom scene, but anyone who has ever felt the need to hide parts of themselves in order to survive. It is a story of resilience and defiance, of people who refuse to be invisible and who, instead, create beauty out of their struggles. Through their art, they transform their pain into something powerful and, in doing so, inspire others to embrace their own truth and live authentically. 

 

By showcasing these individuals' journeys, Amphibian challenges the audience to reflect on their own lives and the ways in which they may be complicit in the erasure or marginalization of those who do not fit within societal norms. It calls for a greater understanding of the complex realities faced by those who exist on the fringes, and for a recognition of the beauty that can emerge from the most unlikely of places. Ultimately, the documentary serves as a reminder that the stories that go unseen and unheard are often the ones that contain the most profound lessons about what it means to be human.

 

via: Vimeo

 2024utahqueerfilmfestival

Image credits: Vimeo