Mathilda Högberg

Show: Mathilda Hogberg (YouTube)
Episode: "10 Years with a Vagina: MTF bottom surgery"
Release Year: 2023

Mathilda Högberg, a Swedish social media influencer, has taken to her YouTube channel to share an incredibly personal milestone - celebrating the 10-year anniversary of her gender reassignment surgery (GRS), more commonly known as bottom surgery or sexual reassignment surgery (SRS). Released on December 20, 2023, the video titled “10 Years with a Vagina: MTF Bottom Surgery” is an intimate and candid reflection on the transformative journey she embarked upon over a decade ago. This video is not just a celebration of a personal achievement but also an invitation for her followers to understand the realities of transitioning and how the decision to undergo GRS shaped her life.

 

Born on April 14, 1994, in a small town near Gothenburg, Mathilda Högberg has been open about her journey toward self-acceptance and transition. Coming out as transgender at the age of 15, she began her gender transition with the full support of her family. Over a span of three years, she underwent extensive psychological and medical evaluations before receiving approval for gender-affirming surgery. Högberg’s transition wasn’t just a medical or social shift; it was a life-changing experience that eventually led to her emergence as a prominent social media figure. Since coming out publicly as a transgender woman in 2020, she has amassed a large following across multiple platforms, including Instagram, YouTube, and TikTok. I have chosen to present only on of her videos but I recommend the other videos from her YouTube channel too. 

 

In her video, Högberg reflects on the profound significance of the 10-year milestone since her gender reassignment surgery. Describing her feelings, she humorously acknowledges the many names people have for the female anatomy - “Avajayjay” and “Akuchi,” for example - but quickly shifts to discuss the more meaningful aspects of her journey. She talks about the complexities of her decision to undergo bottom surgery, which was not a simple cosmetic change but rather a life-or-death decision driven by her gender dysphoria. As Högberg explains, her gender dysphoria was intense prior to surgery. She recounts how the emotional and psychological distress surrounding her body made even the most basic activities, like showering or being intimate, feel like insurmountable challenges. For Högberg, undergoing GRS was a necessary step to living a “normal” life as herself - without that surgery, she felt she would be trapped in a body that didn’t align with her identity. In this sense, the surgery was not a choice but a requirement for her to feel at peace with herself. 

 

Högberg is open about the nerves she felt before undergoing surgery, admitting that she had no real experience being intimate with anyone before transitioning. Despite her fears, she pushed forward, driven by the desire to live authentically. When reflecting on the post-surgery pain, she humorously notes that her expectations were colored by Hollywood dramatizations. “I was literally expecting Hollywood dramatics when waking up,” she says, but instead found the experience much more manageable than anticipated. The pain was present but not unbearable, and she credits a heavy regimen of medications for helping her manage the physical discomfort. As with any major surgery, complications can arise, and Högberg candidly shares that she faced a few issues during her recovery. These complications were not life-threatening but were typical of major surgeries and required careful management during her hospital stay. One of the more challenging aspects of her post-surgery recovery was the process of dilation, which involves regular use of a medical device to maintain the functionality and appearance of the newly constructed genitalia. Högberg provides additional resources on dilation in her previous videos but notes that over the years, the process has become less frequent and less invasive. “Now, like 10 years after, I only dilate once a week,” she explains. 

 

Looking back on her physical transformation, Högberg shares an emotional moment from her recovery. She recalls the first time she saw her post-surgery body, bruised and swollen, but still feeling a profound sense of relief and happiness. "It felt like I could truly start living my life as it was intended," she says, reflecting on how much her body - and her sense of self - had changed. The feeling of self-disgust she once felt about her body, especially the genital area, was replaced with acceptance and pride. Despite the physical bruising and swelling, the first sight of her body post-surgery represented a new chapter in her life. Since that time, Högberg has never regretted her decision to undergo surgery. She addresses the common question she gets asked - whether she regrets having her gender reassignment surgery - with a firm, "No." While she understands why people might ask, particularly cisgender people who may not fully grasp the experience of transitioning, she also points out the oddity of such a question. “It’s not like if you meet a person who’s had eye surgery, you ask them if they regret it,” she notes. For Högberg, the decision was a matter of being true to herself, and it’s something she would never undo. 

 

Throughout the video, Högberg highlights the practical realities of life after surgery. For instance, she describes the experience of urinating for the first time post-surgery, explaining that the sensation was quite different from what she had experienced before. Initially, she found the process strange, but over time, it became a normal part of her daily routine. In another part of the video, she shares how she felt about intimacy following the surgery. The first time she was intimate with someone, she describes the experience as unexpectedly normal. “It was not horrible. It wasn’t painful,” she recalls, although acknowledging that the first time is never perfect. Högberg appreciates the opportunity to have “normal human experiences” without constantly being reminded of the disconnect she once felt between her physical body and gender identity. Over the years, she’s come to embrace her body as it is - no longer focusing on what it used to be but instead accepting her physical self as part of who she truly is. She feels liberated, knowing that she can experience intimacy and live life without the constant reminder of her previous identity. 

 

Though Högberg has enjoyed a mostly positive experience with her surgery, she openly discusses the fact that she has had two revisions over the past decade. The first revision, which took place a year after her surgery, was fairly typical, as many people who undergo gender reassignment surgery require some adjustments. The second revision, which occurred more recently, was a result of difficulties with urination. These revisions, while not major, were part of the reality of having undergone such a complex procedure. Högberg underscores that these revisions were part of her ongoing journey and that she had no regrets about the overall process. 

 

At the heart of the video is not just an exploration of Högberg's medical and emotional experiences but a celebration of the journey itself. “This video is a celebration of my VJ day,” Högberg says, using humor to express the importance of this personal milestone. She stresses that the video’s purpose is to mark her 10th anniversary of living as her true self and to reflect on how far she has come. Högberg notes that when she transitioned, especially around 2013, there weren’t many resources available for transgender individuals to turn to - especially not on platforms like YouTube or Instagram. The internet, at that time, was not a welcoming space for transgender content. Today, with the rise of platforms like TikTok and Instagram, Högberg feels fortunate to be part of a community that can openly discuss and celebrate their identities. She emphasizes that the purpose of her video is not to present herself as an inspiration but rather to show that life can be fulfilling for trans individuals. “Life can happen for trans people as well,” she asserts. “We’re not forced to live in the prison of our old bodies.” 

 

Through this 10-year reflection, Mathilda Högberg conveys a powerful message of self-empowerment and authenticity. She believes that by sharing her story, she can help others realize that transitioning, despite the challenges, can lead to a fulfilling and authentic life. The surgery, for her, was more than just a physical transformation; it was a pivotal step in her journey toward mental and emotional well-being. She concludes the video by reaffirming that no matter what others may say, she is proud of who she is. “It looks normal. It looks like a real vajayjay. Because it is,” she proudly declares, reinforcing her confidence in her body and her identity. As Högberg reflects on her transition, she continues to advocate for a world where transgender individuals can live freely, without fear or shame. Mathilda Högberg’s journey serves as a poignant reminder that for many transgender people, the decision to undergo gender-affirming surgery is a profound and life-changing one. Her openness, vulnerability, and joy in celebrating this 10-year milestone are a testament to the power of living authentically.

 

via: youtube

wikipedia

Image credits: YouTube - Mathilda Högberg