TEDx Talks: Valentijn de Hingh

Show: TEDx Talks
Title: Why Did I Choose?
Release Year: 2012

On December 7, 2012, the TEDx Talks series featured a profound and thought-provoking lecture titled "Why Did I Choose?" delivered by Valentijn De Hingh, a transgender Dutch model and advocate. De Hingh's lecture focused on the complexities of gender identity, the deeply personal journey of transitioning, and the internal process of self-discovery. Throughout the talk, she eloquently shared her experiences, offering a glimpse into the challenges she faced and the insights she gained in her path to understanding her true self. Her words were not only a reflection on gender but also on the broader human experience of searching for meaning and fulfillment in one’s identity.

 

De Hingh began by drawing a connection between her childhood fascination with Disney characters and her later understanding of her gender identity. She recalled her early love for Disney princesses, particularly Ariel, the Little Mermaid, and how Ariel's character resonated with her. As a young child, De Hingh identified with Ariel's desire to change her body to align with her true self. Ariel’s transformation - trading her fishtail for human legs - was a powerful metaphor for De Hingh's own journey as a transgender woman. De Hingh remarked that at the age of five, she had a very specific attraction to the "long, luscious hair" and "big, sparkling eyes" of Ariel, but with time, she came to realize that Ariel’s need to change her physical form mirrored her own need to transition in order to truly be herself. This early connection to Ariel's story became even more significant as De Hingh grew older and began to grapple with the complexities of her gender. Reflecting on her childhood, she recalled an early memory when, at the age of five, she told her mother that she wanted to "cut off" her penis. This moment signified the beginning of her questioning of gender. From a very young age, she experienced gender as something enigmatic, something that others seemed to grasp easily, while she felt excluded from this natural understanding. She noted that as she looked around her world, everyone seemed to fit into one of two predefined gender categories - male or female - and the ease with which others inhabited these roles astonished her.

 

To De Hingh, gender seemed like an "insider joke" that everyone else understood but which she could not comprehend. With these early reflections on her identity, De Hingh posed a fundamental question to her audience: What truly defines someone as male or female? She acknowledged that biological differences, such as genitalia, play a role in this categorization, but she also suggested that gender is more than just a matter of physical attributes. For example, she pointed out how some women undergo breast augmentations to feel more feminine. However, she argued that the presence of larger breasts does not necessarily make one more feminine than another, suggesting that there is a deeper, more intangible dimension to gender that transcends physical traits. This brought her to the realization that gender encompasses more than just the body - it is also about how we feel about ourselves and our identity. De Hingh’s personal journey through gender reassignment surgery was another significant point in her lecture. She described her decision to undergo gender confirmation surgery, which she did three years prior to the TEDx talk. The process of recovery was physically painful, and she described the sensation of waking up from surgery as a time of intense physical discomfort. Her body had undergone a radical transformation, but despite the outward changes, she did not feel dramatically different internally. In the days that followed her surgery, she grappled with the lingering questions about gender and whether her physical change had truly resolved her identity concerns.

 

It was in this period of recovery that she had a moment of profound insight. De Hingh realized that while she could alter her physical body, the answers to her questions about gender would not come solely through surgical means. She compared her experience to that of Ariel, who, after changing her physical form by growing human legs, still retained her essence as the Little Mermaid. De Hingh realized that no matter what she changed about her body, she could not expect it to "fix" or answer all the questions about her gender identity. The surgery had allowed her to present herself in the way she had always felt inside, but it did not provide the final resolution she had been seeking. In essence, the act of transitioning was not about becoming a new person but rather about aligning her physical appearance with her internal self-perception. Despite this realization, De Hingh made it clear that she did not regret her decision to undergo surgery. In fact, she emphasized that if given the opportunity to make the choice again, she would do so without hesitation. The surgery, she explained, was not about adhering to societal expectations of what it means to be a woman. Rather, it was a deeply personal decision that allowed her to create her own narrative. "I had to become a woman to understand there is no such thing as being a woman," she confessed. This paradoxical insight led her to a place of acceptance and peace. She no longer felt the need to try to define gender in rigid terms or seek definitive answers to the existential questions that had once troubled her. Instead, she began to focus on what she did know about herself.

 

Through this process of self-exploration, De Hingh arrived at a profound and unexpected conclusion: she was happy. Her happiness did not depend on conforming to societal norms or finding the perfect answer to the question of gender. Instead, she embraced the realization that no matter what label was applied to her - whether male, female, transgender, or something else entirely - she could simply be herself. De Hingh concluded with a powerful statement of self-acceptance, expressing pride in her ability to stand before the audience and declare that, despite the trials of her journey, she was at peace with who she had become. In closing, De Hingh’s lecture served as a profound meditation on identity, transformation, and the search for self-understanding. Her experience as a transgender woman highlighted the complexity of gender and the ways in which society’s expectations and personal identity can sometimes conflict. By sharing her personal story, De Hingh offered a perspective that transcended the binary notions of male and female and encouraged her audience to question the assumptions we often make about gender.

 

Ultimately, her message was one of embracing one's true self, whatever that may look like, and finding happiness in the process of self-discovery. De Hingh’s lecture is a powerful testament to the importance of authenticity and the ongoing journey of understanding and accepting one’s identity, regardless of external pressures or societal norms. It reminds us that gender is not a fixed concept, but a deeply personal experience that can vary from individual to individual. Her journey, marked by both struggles and triumphs, underscores the importance of living truthfully and being proud of who you are - no matter what the world may expect.

 

via: youtube

Image credits: YouTube - TEDx Talks