TEDx Talks: Teddy Quinlivan

Show: TEDx Talks
Title: The Power of Revealing Your Darkest Secret
Release Year: 2019

Teddy Quinlivan’s TEDx Talk titled "The Power of Revealing Your Darkest Secret," delivered on 29 July 2019, is a profound reflection on vulnerability, self-acceptance, and the journey of coming out. Through her personal story, Quinlivan takes the audience on an emotional ride, highlighting the struggles of keeping a secret and the transformative power of revealing it. Her talk not only focuses on her own experience as a transgender woman in the high-fashion industry but also serves as an inspiring message about the importance of embracing one’s truth and identity.

 

Theodora "Teddy" Quinlivan is an American model discovered in 2015 by Louis Vuitton's creative director, Nicolas Ghesquière. She came out as transgender in 2017, receiving support from notable figures like Ghesquière and Marc Jacobs. Quinlivan has walked for top designers such as Dior, Louis Vuitton, and Chanel, becoming the first openly transgender model hired by Chanel in 2019. Ranked among the "Top 50" models, she advocates for boycotting brands associated with sexual misconduct. Quinlivan grew up in Shrewsbury, Massachusetts, studied at Walnut Hill School for the Arts, and now resides in New York City.

 

Quinlivan opens her talk by asking the audience to reflect on their own secrets: "How many of you have a secret? How dark and deep is your secret? And how personal and private is it?" These questions resonate deeply as they draw the audience in, forcing them to confront the weight of their own hidden truths. She then introduces her own secret, describing it as a "big one," something so significant that it felt as though the very foundation of her career, reputation, and relationships hinged on it. The fear of losing everything if her secret were exposed consumed her thoughts. This feeling of impending doom, Quinlivan reveals, became a driving force in her life for many years. 

 

The story of how Quinlivan kept her secret starts when she was just 17. She walked into a modeling agency for the first time, seeking a career in fashion. "That was the moment I decided I needed to take my destiny into my own hands and conceal my secret." At that time, her secret was something she felt she could not share, believing it would prevent her from succeeding in the competitive and often unforgiving fashion industry. By concealing her truth, she managed to sign with an agency, book jobs, and eventually make enough money to become independent. Her journey took a dramatic turn when she moved to Paris at the age of 18. Initially intending to stay for a year, Quinlivan's career took off, leading her to secure a groundbreaking worldwide exclusive contract with a prestigious high fashion brand. This contract made her stand out in the crowded modeling industry. Quinlivan quickly became a top model, booking major shows and advertisements. However, this success came with a burden: the secret she had worked so hard to keep hidden was becoming increasingly difficult to manage. 

 

As Quinlivan’s career blossomed, she moved to New York City, where new friendships and opportunities awaited. She met people who she thought were trustworthy, people she believed could keep her secret safe. Yet, the gossip mill proved stronger than the bonds of trust. Quinlivan recalls how one friend told another, and soon enough, the rumor that she was not a cisgender woman, but in fact transgender, began to circulate within the fashion industry. At first, Quinlivan did everything she could to squash these rumors, lying to people she dated and taking extreme measures to conceal her identity. "Every facet of my day became exhaustingly devoted to making sure nobody would suspect I was trans." This constant vigilance took a heavy toll on Quinlivan. She describes the psychological and emotional exhaustion that came with constantly hiding who she was. She became angry and fearful, a person filled with negativity, which made her difficult to be around. She was trapped in a cycle of self-doubt and insecurity. The tension between the person she was projecting to the world and her true self grew unbearable. 

 

Faced with the dilemma of continuing to conceal her secret or embracing her truth, Quinlivan began to weigh the pros and cons of being open about her transgender identity. She realized that a secret can only remain hidden for so long. As Quinlivan put it, "Your secret is only a secret for so long." She knew that people from her past, driven by gossip, could expose her secret at any moment. This realization pushed her to consider coming out on her own terms, before anyone else had the chance to expose her truth. But the decision was not simple. The biggest challenge Quinlivan faced was not the external world, but her own internal struggle. "My biggest critic was myself."

 

The fear of rejection, the paranoia about losing everything, haunted her. She feared losing her career, her relationships, and her reputation. She questioned whether anyone would still love her, whether clients would still book her, and whether she would ever have a normal life again. "I thought if I revealed my secret that I would never have a chance at a normal life." However, Quinlivan soon realized that no one has a "normal" life and that everyone has a past. This revelation was a turning point for her. She began to understand that her secret was not something to be ashamed of; rather, it was a part of her identity. The acceptance of her past, and by extension her truth, opened the door to self-love. Quinlivan admits that this process was not immediate; she did not instantly accept herself. But the step toward self-acceptance was monumental. 

 

The idea of loss loomed large in Quinlivan’s mind. She worried that revealing her secret would result in the loss of friends, clients, and romantic relationships. She wondered if people would still want to date her or hire her if they knew the truth about her gender identity. She even considered the possibility that revealing her secret could lead to professional setbacks, such as losing out on work opportunities in places like Dubai, where transgender people face harsh discrimination. 

 

But Quinlivan gradually realized that true friends are those who stand by you, even when things get tough. She understood that anyone who would abandon her because of her transgender identity was not a true friend, and that clients who valued her as a person, rather than simply a model, would continue to support her. Similarly, Quinlivan concluded that if a potential romantic partner only valued her for her physical attributes, then that relationship was not worth pursuing. In essence, Quinlivan was beginning to reject the idea that her worth was tied to societal expectations of beauty or femininity. "I am more than the sum of my parts." Quinlivan found peace with the idea of loss. She accepted that some things might change, but ultimately, she could not live her life in fear of losing people or opportunities. She was ready to embrace her truth, no matter the consequences. 

 

The final hurdle for Quinlivan was the societal reaction to her revelation. With the political climate in the United States shifting under the leadership of Donald Trump, who had made it clear that he aimed to undermine the rights of transgender people, Quinlivan felt a new sense of urgency. Coming out was not just about her personal liberation, but also about educating others and turning her secret into a teachable moment. "To educate is to de-stigmatize." She understood that by being open about her identity, she could help normalize transgender experiences and reduce the shock value often associated with transgender people. 

 

Her goal was not only to share her own story, but to inspire others and make the world a little more accepting. "By being vulnerable you're sharing your humanity with the world and people will respect you for it." In the fall of 2017, Quinlivan made the life-changing decision to come out publicly. She revealed her transgender identity in an article published the morning of a major fashion show during Fashion Week. The article went viral, and Quinlivan’s story reached thousands of people, many of whom expressed their admiration for her courage and honesty. She received countless messages of support from strangers who shared how her story had helped them better understand transgender issues. 

 

Quinlivan concludes her talk with a powerful reflection on the freedom that comes with revealing one’s truth. She acknowledges that living in a world that often picks people apart can be difficult, but sharing your truth liberates you from the weight of your secrets. "Taking the brave steps to reveal the parts of you that you never felt comfortable exposing will set you free." Her story is a testament to the power of vulnerability and self-acceptance. By embracing her identity as a transgender woman, Quinlivan not only liberated herself but also contributed to the broader conversation around transgender rights and visibility. In closing, Quinlivan shares a quote from Chrissy Teigen: "To share your weakness is to make yourself vulnerable. To make yourself vulnerable is to share your strengths." This quote encapsulates the essence of her talk - by revealing our vulnerabilities, we open ourselves to strength, resilience, and the possibility of connection. 

 

Teddy Quinlivan’s TEDx Talk is a powerful, heartfelt exploration of the challenges and rewards of revealing one’s deepest secrets. Her story encourages others to embrace their truths, no matter how difficult or painful it may seem. Through self-reflection, vulnerability, and courage, Quinlivan not only found freedom for herself but also helped to pave the way for greater acceptance and understanding of transgender people in society. Her journey proves that revealing one’s darkest secret can be a transformative act, one that leads to greater self-love, acceptance, and the freedom to live authentically.

 

via: youtube

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Image credits: YouTube