Have No Fear

Director: Marlon Singleton
Release Year: 2004

Released in 2004, Have No Fear is a documentary that captures the life and legacy of Nicole McRory, a transgender cabaret host, singer, and entertainer based in San Francisco. The film provides an intimate portrait of a woman who, despite facing overwhelming challenges, defied societal expectations and forged a vibrant career that became an essential part of the Bay Area nightlife scene. Through humor, music, and raw honesty, Nicole’s story serves as a testament to resilience, individuality, and the refusal to be silenced, even in the face of death.

 

Nicole McRory, born Colin McRory in Hartford, Connecticut, had always felt like an outsider. From a young age, she recognized that something about her body didn’t align with her inner identity. Early memories - such as observing her mother’s naked body and thinking, “I want that” - foreshadowed a lifelong struggle with gender dysphoria. Growing up as a straight male, Nicole felt detached from her assigned gender and engaged in cross-dressing, which she later described as a way to feel more "like a lady." Though she was married twice - one marriage a disaster, the other a blissful experience - her journey to discovering her true self would only begin in earnest later in life.

 

Nicole's passion for music led her to pursue a career as a vocalist, initially studying voice at the prestigious Juilliard School in New York before moving to Vail, Colorado, and later to the Bay Area. Throughout this time, she identified as a male, though the underlying sense of misalignment with her gender identity persisted. It wasn’t until the turn of the century, after relocating to San Francisco, that Nicole embraced her true self, changing her name to Nicole and beginning her transition into womanhood. Her path was not without difficulty, but it was rich with triumphs. In 2003, Nicole traveled to Bangkok for gender reassignment surgery, an experience she described as life-changing. She recalls the moment she woke up after the surgery and felt an overwhelming sense of happiness. "I was instantly happy," she said in a 2004 interview, reflecting on the newfound peace that came with her transition. For Nicole, being a trans woman was not something to hide, but something to celebrate openly and unapologetically. "I make no fucking bones about the fact that I'm a transsexual," she stated with trademark confidence.

 

Nicole’s impact on the Bay Area music scene cannot be overstated. A towering presence at five feet ten inches, with a mop of curly burgundy hair and a voice that could shake the rafters, she quickly became a beloved fixture in the city’s nightlife. Her performances at Johnny Foley’s and Beckett’s Irish pubs were legendary, attracting a wide range of patrons - from college students and tourists to business professionals and long-time locals. Nicole wasn’t just a singer - she was an experience. Armed with a vast knowledge of pop songs and a freight-train baritone, she took the stage with a mix of humor, charisma, and sheer audacity. Her shows featured a unique blend of music and comedy, and she would often hand out a booklet containing 850 songs, allowing her audience to request whatever they pleased. From U2 and Journey to Johnny Cash and Green Day, there was no genre or style Nicole couldn’t master.

 

Her vocal impersonations were particularly striking - one memorable rendition of Green Day’s “Basket Case” featured Nicole channeling Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson, and Bob Dylan, among others. But it wasn’t just her vocal prowess that made Nicole stand out; it was her stage presence. Her witty, often bawdy humor, particularly surrounding her experiences as a post-op transgender woman, added a raw edge to her performances. Nicole often discussed her sex life, her struggles with relationships, and her identity as a transsexual in a way that was unflinchingly honest. "It’s like, I ain’t trying to hide it," she would joke with her audience. And they loved her for it. Nicole’s approach to her career wasn’t just about pushing musical boundaries; it was about breaking down societal taboos around gender and sexuality. She made her audiences confront and question their preconceived notions, all while delivering unforgettable performances. Despite her blunt humor, there was also a deep sweetness to Nicole - she cared deeply for her fans, often joking that she was "the hardest-working drag queen in San Francisco."

 

Have No Fear was filmed during a time when Nicole’s life was in flux. In January 2004, just before the documentary’s release, Nicole was diagnosed with non-Hodgkin's B-cell mantle lymphoma, a rare and aggressive form of cancer. The prognosis was grim, with a low recovery rate. Nicole was given the choice between undergoing chemotherapy, radiation, or surgery, but after watching a friend succumb to the ravages of hospital treatment, she chose to forgo medical intervention. She accepted that she had only months to live, but even this realization did not temper her indomitable spirit. Instead of retreating from life, Nicole embraced it more fully. She continued performing for as long as her health allowed, even joking about her diagnosis during her shows. "Lymphoma: The Concert" was a planned final performance that would serve as both a farewell and a fundraiser for cancer research. This event, though never realized, was the culmination of Nicole’s fearless attitude toward life and death. She had already chosen the song she would sing at the end of the concert: Don't Fear the Reaper. For Nicole, the song was more than just a fitting choice - it was a message to her audience that, no matter what, they should never fear the inevitable. Nicole’s decision to reject conventional cancer treatment and live her final months on her own terms was a poignant reflection of her entire life philosophy. She wasn’t going to let her diagnosis define her. Instead, she would live out her final days in the same way she had lived her life: boldly, unapologetically, and with a sense of humor that never failed to put a smile on the faces of those around her.

 

In the years following Nicole’s diagnosis, her influence continued to resonate with the people who had known her. Her death in 2004 marked the end of an era in San Francisco’s cabaret scene, but her legacy as a fierce, unapologetic transgender artist lived on. Nicole was a pioneer for the LGBTQ+ community, using her platform not just for entertainment, but for activism and representation. She was an embodiment of strength and resilience, carving out a space where people of all identities could come together and celebrate life through music and laughter. Have No Fear is not just a documentary about a transgender woman - it is a celebration of an individual who refused to be anything less than her true self, even in the face of adversity. Nicole McRory was not only a remarkable musician, but also a trailblazer for trans visibility in the arts, challenging expectations and providing a space for open, honest dialogue about gender, sexuality, and identity. As the documentary shows, Nicole's story is ultimately one of defiance. In the face of life’s cruelest twists, she chose to live with joy, humor, and authenticity, leaving behind a legacy that continues to inspire those who refuse to be defined by anything other than their true selves.

via: eastbayexpress.com

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