Und ruhig fließt der Rhein

Director: Volker Klotzsch and Oliver Matthes
Release Year: 2021

"And Gently Flows the Rhine" (German: "Und ruhig fließt der Rhein") is a 2021 documentary directed by Volker Klotzsch and Oliver Matthes. It takes us through the emotional and complex journey of Caroline, a middle-aged transgender woman, as she navigates the aftershocks of her gender reassignment surgery while simultaneously confronting long-buried childhood traumas.

 

The film is not only a portrayal of the physical transformation of an individual but also a profound exploration of healing, survival, and the haunting scars of sexual abuse. Klotzsch and Matthes have crafted a deeply personal and intimate narrative that touches upon universal themes of self-discovery, trauma, and resilience. Caroline, the central figure of this documentary, is an extraordinary individual who finds herself at a significant crossroads in her life. Just before her gender reassignment surgery, she feels as though she has reached the pinnacle of happiness - finally, after years of inner conflict and searching, she is about to become her true self. As the hospital prepares for the night, Caroline experiences an overwhelming sense of contentment and relief. For the first time in decades, she is happy. She feels she is on the verge of achieving the ultimate goal of becoming the woman she has always known herself to be. However, this moment of bliss is fleeting. Soon after the surgery, Caroline receives devastating news: her father is dying. This news, in addition to the physical recovery from her surgery, triggers a flood of painful memories from her childhood, including the sexual abuse she endured. 

 

These memories, which Caroline had repressed for years, begin to resurface in the form of vivid flashbacks. Fragmented recollections of places along the Middle Rhine, where she was abused as a child and adolescent, torment her in her waking moments and invade her dreams. For Caroline, this moment of joy is overshadowed by the sudden realization that, in order to fully embrace her future and live authentically in her new gender, she must first confront her past trauma. She begins a difficult and uncertain journey of healing, aided by the professional guidance of a therapist. Yet the path forward is not clear. The emotional work ahead is fraught with uncertainty, and Caroline knows that confronting her past is an essential part of her healing process. At the core of the documentary lies Caroline’s struggle to come to terms with her traumatic past. She faces the harsh reality that without addressing the childhood trauma that has haunted her, she will not be able to fully move forward and integrate into the identity she so desperately desires to own. As Caroline begins therapy with Prof. Dr. Kurt Seikowski, a trauma expert at the University of Leipzig, the documentary becomes a powerful exploration of how trauma shapes an individual’s present life and future. Through the lens of the camera, viewers are invited into the therapy sessions between Caroline and her psychologist.

 

The film does not intrude into the conversations, but instead allows the viewer to observe the delicate and often painful process of emotional healing. In these intimate sessions, Caroline slowly revisits her painful memories, uncovering long-suppressed emotions that she must face in order to heal and move forward. The therapeutic journey is emotionally taxing, and Caroline’s anxiety about spiraling into despair is palpable. However, her therapy sessions, coupled with the support of close friends Mike and Anke, serve as a lifeline. These friends, a married couple, offer Caroline the family and emotional support she never had. Together, they provide a safe and nurturing environment where Caroline can begin to rebuild herself, piece by piece. The directors, Klotzsch and Matthes, deftly construct the film as a chamber drama that unfolds not only in the therapy room but also in Caroline’s interactions with old and new companions. The viewer is gradually pulled into Caroline’s inner world, gaining insight into the immense pain and suffering she carries from her childhood. Through these interactions and Caroline’s narrative, the film challenges us to understand that her experience is not an isolated one. Similar traumatic childhood memories can be found on the banks of every river, with countless others facing their own struggles. Through this narrative, the filmmakers make a bold and empathetic statement about the universality of trauma. "And Gently Flows the Rhine" underscores that the pain of childhood abuse is not just an individual issue; it is a societal one that affects many people.

 

The film is not only a portrait of Caroline's personal struggle but a broader commentary on the ongoing cycle of abuse and its devastating effects on individuals. The documentary also offers a voice to those who may not have the platform to tell their stories. In an interview, the filmmakers express their belief that the film must serve as a voice for all children who suffer from sexual violence. Studies from victim advocacy groups indicate that one to two children in every classroom are affected by sexual abuse, yet the true impact of such violations often remains hidden behind the words of news reports. The filmmakers aim to shed light on these silent victims and provide them with a platform to be heard. Caroline’s own determination to share her story, despite the deep pain it evokes, is a testament to her bravery and resilience. She has lived through horrors that no child should ever endure, and yet, through her willingness to confront these traumas, she embarks on a healing journey that serves as an inspiration to others who have faced similar experiences.

 

The directors of the film, Klotzsch and Matthes, were first introduced to Caroline three years before filming began. Initially, the project started as a short film entitled "Jetzt bin ich – Ich" ("Now I Am – Me") and focused primarily on the gender reassignment surgery. However, as Caroline’s personal journey unfolded, the filmmakers became witnesses to a much deeper and more profound narrative. They were present during the surgery and were taken aback when, just after the procedure, Caroline received the news about her father’s impending death. It was in this moment that they realized they were not just capturing the story of a woman transitioning; they were documenting a journey of profound emotional transformation, one that went beyond the physical and into the very depths of the human experience. Despite the emotional challenges, Caroline was determined to continue with the film. She wanted to tell her story, to make sure that her experiences of both pain and healing were shared with the world. She hoped that by doing so, she could offer others who had experienced sexual violence the courage to believe in their own survival and healing. The filmmakers, deeply moved by her determination, chose to shift the focus of the film to include this crucial aspect of her recovery. They understood the importance of depicting not just her gender transformation, but the entire journey of healing and self-discovery that she had to undergo. 

 

Ultimately, "And Gently Flows the Rhine" became an intimate and courageous portrayal of Caroline’s ongoing battle to reclaim her life. The film, which was first premiered at the 55th International Hof Film Festival, was praised for its emotional depth and empathy. Audiences and critics alike lauded the film for its honest portrayal of trauma, healing, and identity. It was recognized as a courageous and touching work that illuminated the struggles of a woman who refused to be defined by her past. The film’s success lies not only in its portrayal of Caroline’s individual journey but in its broader message: that healing from trauma is possible, and that people can find the strength to move forward, even after experiencing the deepest of wounds. By documenting Caroline's story, the filmmakers have created a powerful testament to the resilience of the human spirit and the importance of sharing one’s truth. Through its unflinching honesty, "And Gently Flows the Rhine" becomes more than just the story of one woman - it is a call for compassion, understanding, and action for those who have suffered in silence, urging society to acknowledge and address the trauma that too many people carry throughout their lives.

 

via: youtube

 caroline.rootfilms.de and filmportal.de

Image credits: YouTube