"I Hate New York," a 2018 documentary directed by Gustavo Sánchez, offers an unflinching, intimate look into the lives of four transgender artists and activists deeply entrenched in New York’s underground scene. These individuals - Amanda Lepore, Sophia Lamar, Chloe Dzubilo, and T De Long - share their personal journeys, struggles, and triumphs as they fight to carve out their identities in a city that has long been a beacon for countercultures.
However, Sánchez’s film offers no romanticized or picturesque depiction of New York City. Unlike the ubiquitous "I Love New York" merchandise, which is marketed to tourists, this documentary reveals a different, rawer side of the metropolis, one where beauty is hard-earned and authenticity prevails. Through a lens that is as candid as it is unobtrusive, Sánchez takes the audience to the darker corners of New York City, places where his four subjects have found their creative and activist voices. For a decade, Sánchez documented the lives of these remarkable individuals, many of whom rose to prominence during the heyday of the "Club Kids" in the late '80s and '90s. Their lives, which intersected with underground music scenes and performance art, exemplify resilience, self-expression, and the struggle for visibility in a city that can both support and alienate. In the documentary, Sánchez’s camera, never intrusive, becomes a quiet witness to the vulnerability of these characters.
The film allows its subjects to speak freely and reflect on their experiences, evoking their hopes, dreams, and frustrations. Sanchez describes the approach as one that gives the subjects the space to "launch missiles on stereotypes and prejudices," underscoring the defiance at the heart of the transgender experience. These activists and artists, far from being passive objects of attention, challenge conventional ideas of gender and identity. They emerge as real, complex individuals, each with her own unique voice and story to tell. The documentary goes beyond surface-level representations of transgender activism. It addresses hard-hitting topics such as AIDS, survival, and the toll of societal marginalization.
Sánchez enhances the narrative by incorporating archival footage from the '80s and '90s, showcasing the punk and counterculture scenes where these figures first made their mark. This approach not only celebrates the vitality of these underground movements but also draws attention to the devastating impact of the AIDS epidemic, which ravaged the LGBTQ+ community during that period. "I Hate New York" is also informed by the cinematic influences that Sánchez admires, including the Dogma 95 movement, Jonathan Caouette’s autobiographical documentary Tarnation (2003), and John Cameron Mitchell’s Hedwig and the Angry Inch - films that explored themes of nonconformity and the margins of mainstream culture.
Sánchez's style is raw, direct, and unpolished, rejecting the gloss of more commercial portrayals of New York in favor of something more truthful and revolutionary. His vision of the city is one where the fight for self-realization is inseparable from the city’s spirit of reinvention. The documentary is not just about New York - it is a reflection on the possibilities for anyone willing to defy the norms and chart their own path. In "I Hate New York," Sánchez’s subjects are presented not merely as individuals struggling to express themselves but as powerful agents of change in a city that once epitomized rebellion.
Amanda Lepore, one of the film's most recognizable faces, is no longer a mere object of desire. Through Sánchez’s lens, we see a side of her rarely portrayed in the media: a vulnerable, self-deprecating individual who has faced profound personal struggles, including the isolation and rejection she experienced during her transition. The film captures moments of her life, like a tour of her home, with a startling intimacy - portraits of a woman who is learning to navigate a world that often feels hostile and unwelcoming. This raw, unfiltered portrayal humanizes her beyond the glamorous public persona many are familiar with.
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Sophia Lamar, in contrast, offers a more grounded perspective. As she prepares for a night out in New York’s underground scene, she expresses a resolute sense of self. Her pragmatism contrasts with Lepore’s more whimsical side, yet both share a commitment to resilience in the face of adversity. Lamar’s worldview is shaped by her experiences of starting anew whenever necessary. She does not dwell on nostalgia, instead moving forward with a quiet confidence and an unshakeable belief that personal transformation is always within reach. Both Lepore and Lamar are descendants of the legendary figures who sparked the Stonewall Riots, Marsha P. Johnson and Sylvia Rivera. The film raises the poignant question of why figures like Lepore and Lamar are often overlooked in the broader narrative of transgender history. Are they less valuable because they were not martyrs, or because their activism was intertwined with their artistic pursuits, which included having fun and celebrating life? Sánchez’s film compels the viewer to reconsider what it means to be a trailblazer. Is revolution only about suffering, or can it also involve joy and self-expression?
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The documentary also addresses the bittersweet reality faced by T De Long and Chloe Dzubilo, two figures who have witnessed the fading of New York’s once-vibrant counterculture. Their stories are filled with heartbreak, revealing the difficult emotional and personal toll of living in a city that was, at one time, a sanctuary for artists and activists but has since been transformed by gentrification and corporate influence. Sánchez’s unassuming direction captures the melancholy of this shift, creating a film that feels like an elegy for a lost world, even as it affirms the resilience of its subjects. Through its raw and unfiltered portrayal, I Hate New York transforms the city into a character in its own right - a place that embodies both the promise and the perils of self-expression. Sánchez’s New York is a city drenched in neon lights, as seen through the glimmering reflections on the bodies of go-go dancers and the glitter in drag queens' costumes. This New York is alive in the dark, a place where music pulses from underground clubs and the camera follows its characters as they navigate both the city’s dazzling streets and the internal, emotional terrain of their personal struggles.
The film’s ending, as abrupt and unfinished as the city itself, captures the fleeting nature of a story that could never truly be concluded. New York, after all, is a city that never sleeps, one that is always evolving. The documentary’s open-ended conclusion reflects this. The city’s spirit cannot be contained within a fixed narrative - it is something that constantly reinvents itself. With the resurgence of New York’s nightlife scene in the wake of the COVID-19 pandemic, we are left wondering if the city will return to its roots as an incubator for underground movements, much like the world that Lepore, Dzubilo, De Long, and Lamar once thrived in. If so, I Hate New York may serve as an important document of that era, a testament to the unwavering determination of those who dared to live on their own terms. Ultimately, I Hate New York is much more than a film about a specific group of transgender artists and activists. It is a powerful exploration of what it means to be an outsider, to create art and activism out of necessity, and to thrive in the face of adversity.
The lives of these four women - along with their history as part of the underground culture of New York - show that the fight for identity and recognition is ongoing. The city’s true essence, as this documentary reveals, lies not in its towering skyscrapers or tourist attractions, but in the underground spaces where real revolution happens, away from the polished surfaces of mainstream culture. Through their stories, I Hate New York reclaims the city’s rebellious spirit, offering a reminder that New York has always been, and will continue to be, a city where anything is possible for those brave enough to fight for it.
Image credits: YouTube
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