The 2023 documentary "LGBTQ and Me: The Reality Under the Rainbow", aired by Hiroshima Home Television, centers on the life and transformation of Kei Okuda, a 62-year-old transgender woman from Soryo-cho, a small town in Japan. The film explores Kei's personal journey of self-discovery, societal challenges, and her evolving role as an advocate for the LGBTQ+ community in a conservative, rural environment. Through intimate interviews and poignant visuals, the documentary unveils Kei’s path to embracing her true self as a transgender woman after decades of struggle, marriage, parenthood, and societal constraints.
The documentary opens with a striking image: a rainbow flag waving in the morning sunlight over a mountainous village. This flag symbolizes Kei’s identity, representing a profound declaration of pride and existence in a world that often marginalizes queer individuals. As the camera zooms in on Kei, we are introduced to a woman who, despite a late realization of her gender identity, has decided to live authentically and openly, even in the face of societal resistance. Kei was born the first son of a carpenter and a nurse. Raised in a traditional family, she was expected to conform to the role of a boy, but from an early age, Kei felt a profound sense of difference. "I was crying and begging my parents to wear a skirt," she recalls, capturing the early yearning to express a gender identity that wasn’t recognized or understood by those around her.
Kei’s feelings of difference were subtle at first, manifesting in isolation during her childhood. She remembers feeling left out by her classmates, a sense of being disconnected from others that was not immediately obvious but was deeply felt. “I found out that I was left out by my classmates a little bit. A little bit. Not obviously but left out in some way,” Kei reflects. The isolation she experienced as a child would continue to shape her understanding of self and identity for years. Music and books became Kei's refuge, offering solace and an expanded world outside her small, confining town. The dream of leaving her home, of finding a place with "a big sky," became a persistent desire. Yet, despite these early feelings of alienation, Kei did not yet have the language or understanding to identify her true self.
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At the age of 27, Kei married a woman, and together, they had four children. For several decades, Kei embraced the role of husband and father, loving her family while also feeling a growing dissonance within herself. Her life, although fulfilling in many ways, was simultaneously stifling her true identity. In her 30s, Kei’s passion for fashion, makeup, and self-expression began to grow. Despite the challenges, including the emotional and psychological toll of denying her authentic self, Kei found comfort in small, personal acts of rebellion against the gender expectations placed upon her. "What color might be good today? I’m wondering a lot. Similar color, complementary color, or opposite color," she muses, revealing her growing interest in expressing herself through makeup and appearance, though it was often accompanied by nervousness and fear of judgment. “It was not easy for her to buy cosmetics,” the documentary notes, showing how the simple act of purchasing makeup could cause immense anxiety in Kei.
It wasn't until Kei was 58 years old that she had the epiphany that would change her life forever: she was a woman. In 2018, after divorcing her wife, Kei finally allowed herself to acknowledge her truth. "I finally met myself," she says. For the first time in her life, Kei understood who she truly was and began to live authentically. As Kei navigated her new reality as a transgender woman, makeup and fashion became an essential part of her daily routine. “Makeup is what Kei loves as her routine,” the documentary emphasizes. Kei's love for fashion is evident in her daily choices, often opting for bold, runway-inspired clothing. Her fashion mantra - “Runway on the street” - speaks to her desire to bring a sense of self-expression and confidence to her daily life. Kei's aesthetic choices reflect not just a personal style but a reclaiming of her identity, one that had been suppressed for so long.
Despite her newfound sense of self, Kei faced ongoing struggles. In her hometown of Soryo-cho, a place with fewer than 2,000 residents, she still feared how others might perceive her. "I think you can’t understand me," she confides about her parents, especially her elderly mother, who still refers to Kei as "Brother" and who would likely be confused by the revelation of her true gender identity. "My mom, at age over 90, would be confused if I tell her," Kei explains, illustrating the deep rift between her desire to live openly and the societal and familial pressures that continue to influence her life. Despite this, Kei remains resolute in her belief that queer people should not be seen as "imaginary creatures" but as real, authentic individuals deserving of recognition.
A pivotal moment in the documentary occurs when Kei takes action to create a safe and inclusive space for LGBTQ+ individuals in her town. Inspired by the idea of visibility and acceptance, Kei began displaying rainbow flags in public spaces, symbolizing both her personal pride and a call for greater recognition of the queer community. In October, Kei opened a community space for queer people in Shobara City. This project, which involves renting a second-floor space of a public facility every Friday afternoon, serves as a haven for those who may feel isolated or unsafe in a small town. The space, which includes books on gender and sexuality donated by supporters from across Japan, offers a place to read, talk, and connect with others who share similar experiences.
However, Kei's work is not without its challenges. The space often sees few visitors, with sometimes fewer than 10 people attending on a given day, and occasionally no one at all. "Some visitors might be afraid of being seen by someone and being rumored to be queer," Kei acknowledges. The fear of being outed remains a real and present concern for many in the town, and it highlights the deeply entrenched prejudices that queer individuals face, even in small communities. Despite the difficulties, Kei remains committed to her mission. "What’s important is that you can always come here whenever you’re ready," she reassures potential visitors. This sentiment encapsulates Kei's approach: patient, understanding, and deeply empathetic toward others still struggling with their identities.
Kei’s journey toward self-acceptance is also intertwined with the support she has received from local allies. One notable example is a cosmetics shop, which, after displaying a rainbow flag for Pride Month, became a place where Kei could feel welcome and supported. "I decided to open Chose Family Shobara when I saw this flag," Kei says, referring to the store’s public display of solidarity. The shop owner, along with others in the community, became an essential part of Kei's support network. The documentary shows how these acts of acceptance, however small, have had a significant impact on Kei’s confidence and sense of belonging. "I’m the most beautiful person in their 60s in Hiroshima," Kei jokes with the store employees, but behind the humor is a deep sense of pride in how far she has come, not just in her personal journey but also in how others have come to accept her.
As Kei continues to live her life as a transgender woman, the documentary underscores her commitment to self-expression and visibility. To be a trans woman, for Kei, is to embrace every part of who she is - her fashion, her makeup, and her bold decision to live authentically, despite the hurdles. "To express myself as a transgender woman is to live here," Kei declares, a statement that encapsulates her life philosophy. The film ends with a powerful image of Kei standing before the camera, unapologetically expressing herself as the woman she was always meant to be.
In "LGBTQ and Me: The Reality Under the Rainbow", Kei Okuda's journey is one of resilience, courage, and the quiet yet profound power of self-realization. The documentary serves as both a personal narrative and a broader commentary on the challenges faced by transgender individuals, especially in small, conservative communities. It is a celebration of the possibility of living authentically, of being seen, and of creating spaces where others can do the same.
Image credits: YouTube
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