In the documentary "Almost Myself" (2006), filmmaker T. Joe Murray embarks on a remarkable journey to explore the complexities of transgender identity, centering the film around an unusual and poignant story that challenges conventional assumptions about gender transition. The film is a rare and deeply human exploration of the transgender experience, featuring key figures such as Judy Kirchner, Rosalyne Blumenstein, Marci Bowers, Holly Boswell, and Kate Bornstein. By focusing on a wide range of perspectives, "Almost Myself" takes a compassionate and unflinching look at the struggles, challenges, and joys faced by transgender individuals, while also highlighting the diversity of experiences within the transgender community.
The origin of "Almost Myself" is grounded in an intriguing discovery. While conducting web research for a potential project, Murray stumbled upon a website titled “Help Me Reverse My Sex Change dot ORG.” The website, created and operated by Judy Kirchner, a transgender woman, became the central focus of Murray’s documentary. Kirchner had transitioned from male to female in her twenties and had lived for nearly two decades as a woman. However, as she approached her 40th birthday, she made the controversial and deeply personal decision to reverse her sex change. This decision, and the website’s call for financial help to reverse the surgery, set in motion Murray's journey into the transgender community. The very existence of the website immediately piqued Murray’s curiosity, raising numerous questions: Why would someone undergo a gender transition and later decide to reverse it? What does it mean to live as one gender and then seek to return to another? The documentary was thus born out of a desire to understand this decision and, by extension, the broader transgender experience.
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Judy Kirchner’s story is central to "Almost Myself" and serves as the heart of the documentary. Kirchner had undergone sex reassignment surgery in the early stages of her adulthood and lived as a woman for nearly two decades. However, in her 40s, she felt that her identity as a woman no longer resonated with her. As she explains in the film, this shift in her gender identity was not an easy decision; it was accompanied by feelings of confusion, isolation, and a struggle to reconcile her past and present selves. One of the more complex aspects of Kirchner’s story involves her involvement with an “ex-gay” ministry, which aims to help individuals “reverse” their sexual orientation or gender identity. Kirchner’s past with this ministry sheds light on the internal conflict she experienced about her identity. The ministry’s influence, while not the sole factor in her decision to transition back to living as a man, illustrates the deeply ingrained societal pressures that transgender individuals often face. In this way, her story becomes not just about gender, but also about the intersection of sexuality, religion, and personal agency. Through Kirchner’s journey, "Almost Myself" grapples with the idea that transgender identity is not always a clear, linear path. Her decision to de-transition raises important questions about the very notion of gender fluidity and whether transitioning can be a permanent or irreversible decision. In a society that often demands definitive labels and categories, Kirchner’s experience challenges the expectation that transgender people should "choose" a gender and stick with it, regardless of how their feelings may evolve over time.
While Kirchner’s story is at the core of "Almost Myself", the documentary also introduces several other transgender individuals whose experiences offer different perspectives on gender transition. These include figures like Marci Bowers, Holly Boswell, Rosalyne Blumenstein, and Kate Bornstein, each of whom brings a unique voice to the conversation about transgender identity.
Marci Bowers, a transgender woman and a renowned gender confirmation surgeon known for "Trinidad", shares her perspective both as a medical professional and as someone who has undergone gender reassignment herself. Bowers’ story is one of empowerment and self-discovery, and her role as a surgeon allows her to help others on their journeys while also deeply understanding the personal stakes involved in transitioning.
Holly Boswell, a transgender woman and activist, offers insights into the challenges faced by transgender individuals in their personal lives, particularly in relation to societal discrimination and stigma. She advocates for greater acceptance and understanding of gender diversity.
Rosalyne Blumenstein, a transgender woman known for "
Transsexual Menace" and "
In Full Bloom", discusses her own transition and the importance of living authentically. She offers a poignant reflection on the psychological and emotional dimensions of transitioning, touching on themes of body image, acceptance, and self-love.
Kate Bornstein, an author and gender theorist, known for "
Adventures in The Gender Trade" and "
Genderf*kation: A Gender Emancipation", contributes a more philosophical perspective on gender. Bornstein’s work explores the fluidity of gender and challenges rigid binary definitions, advocating for a more nuanced and inclusive understanding of gender identity.
Together, these voices help to enrich the documentary, creating a tapestry of experiences that show the multifaceted nature of transgender identity. Each person’s journey is unique, shaped by individual histories, cultural backgrounds, and personal understandings of gender. By providing such diverse perspectives, "Almost Myself" encourages viewers to reflect on the complexity of gender identity and to question the binary frameworks that often dominate discussions of sex and gender. One of the most powerful aspects of "Almost Myself" is its examination of the emotional and psychological impact of transitioning - whether the transition is forward or backward. For many transgender individuals, the decision to transition is not simply a matter of physical change; it is an intensely emotional and psychological process.
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The film poignantly explores themes of self-acceptance, the fear of rejection, and the internal conflict that often accompanies gender transition. For Kirchner, the emotional toll of de-transitioning is palpable. Her decision to reverse her gender reassignment surgery was not made lightly, and it involved deep reflection about her identity, her past experiences, and the ways in which she had been influenced by society, family, and religion. As the film unfolds, it becomes clear that Kirchner’s journey is not just about her gender, but about her search for authenticity and a life that feels true to who she is, rather than what others expect her to be. Similarly, other individuals in the film discuss the pain of feeling disconnected from their bodies and the joy that comes from aligning their physical appearance with their inner sense of self. For many, the transition process is a reclamation of agency, a way to take control over their bodies in a society that often feels alienating or oppressive. The psychological transformation that accompanies this process is as significant as the physical one, and "Almost Myself" does an exceptional job of portraying the emotional depth and complexity of these journeys.
"Almost Myself" stands out as an important contribution to the growing body of work that seeks to represent transgender people in media. By focusing on a diverse group of individuals and showing their struggles, triumphs, and ongoing journeys, the documentary offers a more comprehensive understanding of the transgender experience. The film highlights not just the pain and difficulties that often accompany gender transition, but also the resilience, courage, and hope that many transgender individuals exhibit in the face of adversity. In a time when transgender issues are becoming increasingly visible in the public discourse, "Almost Myself" offers a nuanced and empathetic look at what it means to live as a transgender person. By focusing on real stories of real people, the film humanizes a community that has too often been marginalized or misunderstood.
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"Almost Myself" (2006) is a documentary that defies easy categorization. At its core, it is about the transgender experience, but it is also about identity, choice, and the human capacity for transformation. By exploring Judy Kirchner’s decision to reverse her sex change, along with the diverse perspectives of other transgender individuals, T. Joe Murray’s film invites viewers to question what we know - and what we think we know - about gender. It is a powerful, compassionate exploration of the complexities of gender identity and the personal journeys that shape our understanding of who we are. The film ultimately challenges the notion that gender identity is a static or fixed characteristic. Through the stories of those featured, "Almost Myself" underscores that identity can be fluid, evolving, and deeply personal, reminding us that there is no single way to experience or express gender. For anyone seeking a deeper understanding of the transgender experience - whether they are part of the community or not - "Almost Myself" is an essential and thought-provoking watch.
Image credits: YouTube
Interview with the cast:
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This was a good documentary. The way I heard about it was I'd remembered Judy Kirchner's website HelpMeReverseMySexChange (I guess this was before gofundme).
ReplyDeleteI also thought it was interesting how another transsexual, Brandi, was saying: "why keep lying? They know, you know, so what's the point of lying." She was talking about how often people would call her out as a sissy or say she was gay, so obviously everyone knew she was 'different.' I loved her facial expression, though, when she was talking about transsexuals that lived for years as heterosexual males and they didn't seem to have a clue, nor did anyone else, that they too were 'different' growing up that they got married and fathered children with people being none the wiser.
It was also interesting to hear about Dr. Marci Bowers life because so much of what she said I didn't know: that she could have been a serial killer or rapist and her family would've been more accepting than her being transgender.